Sad anniversary
by GodAndMonsters
Summary: Regina went missing.. when Emma find her she discover more of the Queen they all call Evil.. SwanQueen TW mention of rape
1. Chapter 1

**Sad anniversary**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Once Upon A Time or any recognizable characters**

 **AN: this take place after season 3b finale only Marian died and regina and robin together.. for now..**

 **also English is not my first language so be aware of a little grammar issues I hope not a lot..**

 **Part one – Missing**

Sheriff Swan was about to take another drink of her very needed coffee when Robin stormed in the station , his eyes were full of unshed tears and his shoes were full of mud meaning he was in the woods.

"What happened?" Emma asked scanning the poor man face

"It's Regina she's missing"

At the mention of Regina name Emma chocked on her coffee

"What do you mean she's missing ? I saw her last night."

"She ran away , I was with her .. and we were talking ..than I took her hand and she ran off.. I looked everywhere I know but this all town is new for me.. , she is not with Henry I don't know what else to do?" Robin was sobbing now.. Emma was start to really feel sorry for him she know first hand how the old women can be unexpected at times.

"Well since she is not really missing there is nothing I can do.. , you probably got her mad.. let her cool down a bit.. "

Robin looked devastated.. but he left the station

it's was 10pm and still there was no sign from Regina.. , the blond Sheriff and her son were starting to worry..

it has been decided that Henry will wait in the mansion In case Regina will come home and Emma and Robin will split up and search the town..

* * *

It was 11pm when Emma decided to check Henry castle.. she's been looking everywhere for the brunette woman..she even checked The Rabbit Hole hoping Regina just got really drunk she forgot where she lived..

Than she remembered Henry's castle , the last time she was there was years ago.. Henry seemed to be to all grown up for that and he never came here anymore..

She found Regina sitting on the Castle her eyes looking at sea but seems far away from this reality , she seemed like she cried for hours until there were no more tears and all that left was to just stare at the space..Regina didn't even notice her until Emma set beside her , the older woman jump a little until she realized it was Emma , she looked at Emma and Emma now saw the black circle under her eyes she looked like she didn't had a good sleep in days.

"Hey" was all Regina said .


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – The castle**

"And then she'd say that nothing can go wrong  
When you're in love what can go wrong  
And then she'd laugh the nighttime into the day  
Pushing her fears further along" – Reamonn "Supergirl"

Regina lost count of time long ago she realized it must have been hours when the sun set down and the darkness showed up , she knew she was sensitive on that date.. but she never thought Robin can ever trigger that , Robin was her soulmate he suppose to fix her , take everything that is wrong and make all right again.. she was not naïve she knew he cant make everything go away no one can , years of abuse make scars no one can see but she can feel.

she just hoped that with Robin it will be different , but when he took her hand all she could feel was cold panic in her stomach she felt sick , she couldn't breathe , she felt her dark magic starting to take control and her survivor instincts starting to kick off , and she ran.. she ran like her life depends on it , one of her heels were broken when she found herself in Henrey's Castle.. the only Castle she felt at home in.. some of Henrey's notebook was lying there she opened it and found a picture of her and Henrey when he was about 3 years old.. her heart filled with hot blood that took over the coldness that filled her bones and she took control over her magic again , she couldn't face Robin yet so she set there looking at the sea letting her thoughts consume her.

When Emma showed up she realized that it must be late if they were looking for her. she didn't notice the young woman until she sat beside her , she jump at the sudden appearance of another human being but when she saw it was Emma she felt at ease. she command her voice to make a sound and manage to say a raspy vanquish "Hey" , Emma looked at her , staring deep into her eyes , the Queen tried to take control and hide the vulnerable woman inside the castle walls , but Regina couldn't hide now , Emma answer with "Hey" of her own and her sweet voice make all Regina walls castle fall down as another sob escape her lips.

* * *

Emma saw the look in Regina eyes.. the look she knew all too well , the look she saw in the foster system more times she wanted to remember , it been 2 and half minutes that felt like hours of cold silence until Regina asked "how did you find me?"

"It wasn't easy I must say , I looked everywhere until I remembered Henry's castle , it was a long shot.. I love this place so I decided to check it out.. , Henry is worrying about you" she decided not to mention Robin , not until she figure everything out.

"I lost count of time" Regina said while trying to stand up , after hours of resisting her dark magic and crying she was drained.

she command her legs to stand but she forgot about the broken heel and fell to the ground..Emma was right beside her offering her hand to help her stand "Are you okay?" she asked with concern eyes , Regina felt week , and her walls build up in seconds she screamed at her legs to hold her and left Emma helping hand alone , she stand up like the queen she was and walked all the way home , she didn't have to look back she knew Emma followed her.


	3. Chapter 3

p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="text-decoration: underline; font-kerning: none;"strongChapter 3 – Home/strong/span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"strongDisclaimer: I don't own Once Upon A Time or any recognizable characters/strong/span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Regina and Emma walked all the way to the mansion in silence , Regina a few steps ahead of Emma as if trying to send a message that she is fine , Emma was not convince./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Regina was trying too hard to focus on her steps while Emma was trying to figure out what is going on. /span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;" did Robin hurt Regina? if he did Emma knew she would kill him! or hurt him severely.. depend what he did../span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"but the way the brunette looked .. she never saw Regina looked so ..fragile like if she touch her she would break into so many pieces she wasn't sure she can put back together. she can't bring herself to leave the woman side.. and she was grateful Regina didn't asked her too./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"The moment they walked into the house Henry run into Regina and hugged her , Emma didn't miss Regina flinch for a short moment before she melted into the boy embrace.. she felt her heart sink.. What happen to her Regina? she couldn't remember a time she say the brunette so..breakable , she always knew that behind the iron walls the brunette put a very soft and gentle woman was hiding , but looking at Regina so fragile made Emma wish the walls were back up so the woman will be safe and secure. /span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"It didn't take long for Robin to call , Emma told him Regina wasn't feeling very well , he insist to come but Emma told him Regina needed to sleep , after a long talk he agree to come in the morning./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"The three of them ate omelets that Emma made when Henry broke the silence "So.. Mom what happened?" he asked and his voice showed he was worried , Emma loved her son to pieces she will fight giants for him , conquer kingdoms if she force to , but god the boy did not have tact./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;" /span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Regina cringed a little before answering with the best force smile she could manage. ""Nothing dear.. , I just went for a walk and lost track of time" she hoped it was convincing enough because even forcing that small smile made her body feel on fire , and all she wanted right now is some silence./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"unfortunately as usual she was not lucky enough and her very mature 8 years old did not buy her excuse ""You lost a track of time?" Henry asked showing he didn't believe a word.. it took Emma death glare to shout Henry up.. "It's ok .. all that is matter is that you fine" he said at least. she secretly thank Emma for stopping Henry questions but she felt her heart ache for her son , she gently grab his hand and said "I am Henry , I'm fine". three people knew its a lie but three people wanted more than anything to believe in that lie./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Henry went to bed right after dinner.. , and Emma and Regina left to wash the dishes as Emma dried another plate she noticed that Regina could barley stand and have to lean on the sink , in her forehead she had a little cold sweat and her breathing was starting to get heavier , she wanted more than anything to help her and tell her to sit down , but she knew better , Regina right now needed to do this , she needed to prove that she at least can wash the damn dishes if she didn't made the dinner./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"When they both finish Regina stood in front of Emma trying to make a sound even talking was hard right now and it did not help that she did not like what she wanted to say… /span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;""So.. I think I'm going to take a shower and go to bed.. , thank you Emma.. Goodnight" she said while walking to the front door waiting for Emma to follow her./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"""Regina don't." Emma said "don't push me away.. we are friends and.. I want to help.. and I know you probably say you don't need help but.. maybe I need to help you?" Emma tried to make sense but it was hard , she played with the end of her shirt trying very hard not to say any more embracing thing ../span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;""You can sleep in the guest room.. it's right next to my room" Regina answered and went right upstairs.. /span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Baby steps Emma thought , they need to take Baby steps./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Regina felt the cold water hitting her skin as a blurt of magic escape her finger and broke the bathroom mirror..it was only luck that no one heard it. She felt better now that some of her dark energy left her body. she needed to sleep./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"she got out of the shower and wore her black silk pajama , she all but fell into bed feeling her body relax on the matters , as she close her eyes her last thoughts were about the blond in the next room./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Emma woke up.. she wasn't sure why , she check the clock it was 3am , than she heard it again it was a sob , she got out of the bed and heard it came from Regina room , she didn't think twice before she opened the door./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; min-height: 12px; text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"her heart stoped at the sight before her Regina was asleep , her features were distressed and she kicked her legs and hands like a wild animal fighting for her life it tool awhile before Emma realize she was trying to push someone away from her she than heard her begging"No , please no!" Emma didn't wait any longer she shook the brunette woman awake./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Regina immediately opened her eyes and yelled "no" at Emma still not realize she was awake and it was the blond woman in front of her , a burst of magic escape her body and all the glasses in the room broke. her view than become clearer and she whispered "Emma?"/span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;""Regina , are you ok?" Emma asked realized the woman was finally awake./span/p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;""I'm sorry " she said and broke down it tears "I'm sorry"/span/p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p dir="rtl" style="margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 11px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; -webkit-text-stroke-color: #000000; text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;"Emma didn't know what to do.. , so she just go with her instinct now ,she go up to the bed and hold the older woman in her arms.. Regina jump at her touch at first until she melt into her embrace and felt more safe than she felt in years and cried harder.. , Emma drown circles in her back and whisper soothing words until the brunette cried herself to sleep./span/p  
p style="text-align: left;"span style="font-kerning: none;" /span/p 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4- Wake up call**

 **AN- sorry for not updating for a while.. i was really busy with my other story Love is the cure.**

 **but than yestarday some kid i work with who have autism had a really bad day and he tried to bump his head on the wall.. while i prevent it he bump his head on my eye.. and here i am half blind and i thought about this story.. so sorry for any mistakes.. as i said i'm half blind right now.**

* * *

Emma moved her fingers through the brunette hair , calming herself with the movement.

she carefully trace her fingers through every feature of Regina face.

taking in her peaceful and calm breathes. she moved her fingers on Regina cheek , her forehead , her nose , she than touch her full lips linger there for a moment before tracing the scar above them.

she wanted to kiss her , and it confused her.

she knew she have feelings for Regina , she knew she was attracted to the woman , but that was not the case now. she didn't want to kiss Regina in passionate way. she wanted to kiss her in a loving way. in a way that can help Regina put her pieces together . in a way that will break all her walls because she would not need them , not with Emma.

she wanted to be Regina best friend , she did.

she wanted to be someone Regina can trust . but she wanted to be something else too.

but she couldn't . not now. Emma was with Hook and Regina was with Robin. her soulmate.

and as much as Emma despise the man if he can give Regina her happy ending she will bite her tongue and keep her feelings to herself.

But if Robin is the reason Regina was so upset.. than.. Emma didn't know what she will do. but she was sure Robin will suffer from her hand.

it didn't take long for Emma to fall asleep too.

* * *

The loud knock on the door brought both woman back to reality.

Emma woke first moving her hand away from Regina stomach , and her face away from her neck.

"Who can it be?" Regina asked half asleep , still not opening her eyes.

"I will go check" Emma got up and went to the front door.

fixing her hair as much as she can on the way she got to door and opened it , on the porch was a very anxious Robin and small Ronald who look like he just got up from bed , his hair was messy and his eyes were still half close.

"Where is she?" Robin asked inviting himself inside.

"Well , it 7 in the morning "Emma said while closing the door "she still asleep".

"I was worried , she did not answer her phone" he said and could see he was sincere .

maybe he can make Regina happy.. it's clear that he loves her.

"As I said she is asle-"

"Robin" Regina suddenly said from the staircase.

her eyes were full of emotions that most of them Emma could not read but she saw shame and fear in them.

"Regina " Robin run to Regina side and hugged her..

Regina was not hugging him though. she stood there accepting his hug .

"What happened? where have you been?" he said locking their eyes together.

"we need to talk.." Regina answered and she looked tired , and scared but also firm.

* * *

Emma was in the kitchen for 15 minutes that felt like a lifetime.

She made Ronald hot coco and a toast while he waited for his father.

she heard Robin yell some things she couldn't make and she thought to come and interrupt , but she knew that Regina will hate her for that. Regina needed to feel strong and in control. and Emma knew that she can handle herself.

she finally heard footsteps made their way to the kitchen and Robin enter.

"Ronald come on we leaving" he said and took Ronald in his hands.

"Good luck Sheriff " was all he said before leaving.

Regina enter the kitchen tow minutes later.

"What happened?" Emma asked moving closer to the brunette

"Emma can you please just.." she didn't finish , a small tear made her way on her cheek and her eyes were full of other thousand tears waiting to fall.

"What?" Emma held Regina hand encouraging her to finish the sentence

"hug me" Regina finally said

and Emma obliged pulling the older woman to her. holding her close and drawing shooting patterns on her back until she felt Regina melting fully into her , her breath tickling her neck.

and in that moment both woman felt at peace.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emma said while putting a cup of coffee in front of the brunette woman.

"Not now.. , Henry should be up soon , it's a school day Sheriff" Regina said and moved to start breakfast .

 _So we back to Sheriff .. great.. it's one step front than two steps back with that woman._

"I'll go wake him up" was all Emma said before leaving the room and making her way upstairs.

with Emma safely away from her Regina let out a small tear down.

what her life became? hunted by her past , pushing out her soul mate away from her.

she could not face being weak anymore , she needed to put it all together , she and Robin took a break.

she told him it was too much for her , she wanted to spend her time with Henry , making up for the lost year they spend apart. he grown up so much , became taller and he was far mature now from the little boy who believed that she was the evil queen. he now saw her as his mother , and she could not ask for more.

* * *

"Ma , what is going on with mom?" Henry said as he got out of bed , still in his The Avengers pajama _some things never changed_ Emma smiled.. before preparing a suitable answer for Henry question.

"She is a little sad.. , I think she missed you very much this past year and now she realize she just took a very big step she was not ready for yet"

"With Robin? but he is her soul mate , they made to be!" Henry try to prove his point.

"How do you even know that kid?"

"Tink told me" he shrugged

"Well.. it's not just Robin.. a lot have happened.. and I still don't really know everything that happened in the year we were in New York.. , and you should know by now that we make our own destiny. not stupid fairy dust!" Emma said firmly.

"You are not telling me everything" Henry cross the room and looked into his mother eyes.

he could sense that she was hiding something from him.. he like to think that he got that super power from her.. knowing when people are lying and hiding things from him.

"Of course I am not telling you everything!" Emma said with a smile " you are 13 years old and you are my son.. , I am telling you what you need to know" she sat on her knees , making herself at his height "What you need to know Henry is that Regina is sad , but she will be ok , she need a big hug from her favorite man " Emma smiled

"I can do that" he smiled but it did not reach his eyes.. Emma knew that Henry is not going to give up easily , but for now he was getting down the stairs into the kitchen.

* * *

The breakfast was awkward.

Henry was quiet and kept checking his mother face.. her make up was off.. something he barley saw in morning time.. she was always perfectly dress and ready to go out.. even when she was not mayor anymore. but now.. she wore her silk pajamas and left over from yesterday make were still on her face.

Emma was eating the delicious pancakes Regina made.. but she did not enjoyed them as much as she should.. her mind still trying to understand what is going on with the older woman beside her.. Regina did not touch her food at all.. she seemed to be far away with thoughts .

* * *

When Henry left for school.. Emma and Regina were alone again.

"Emma" Regina started.. breaking the silence that surrounded them.

"So now it's Emma?" the blonde said with anger

"Because I am really confused.. , I know some shit happened to you Regina.. I really know.. , but we are friends.. and I hugged you when you were asked from me.. than you did not want to talk and I understand that.. but than you call me Sheriff like.. I am nothing more than that to you..? , well it does hurt!" Emma said and tears were filling her eyes now.. everything she felt for Regina suddenly showed up at the surface.. and it just hurts her more to know that her feeling for the brunette were never be tow sided.

"I am sorry.." the older woman said.. and close the gap between them she wanted to wipe the tears from Emma cheeks but she did not feel she deserve to do it.. so she just put one hand on the blonde shoulder.. showing her that she was meaning her next words "In my life.. I learned that you should never be attached to people.. that caring for someone is weakness.. I am sorry Emma but.. when things get to rough for me.. I just.. pulling away.. avoiding people.. using titles.. I did not wanted to hurt you.. but I did.. because that is what I do.." she said and her eyes were locked on the floor.

"we are both broken.. but maybe we can help each other.. , please tell me what happened last night" Emma put her hands on Regina cheeks , forcing her to look at her.

"It was my anniversary.." was all Regina said before running to her bathroom and throwing up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – So close no matter how far.**

 **TW- Rape. it's important chapter..**

 _"It was my anniversary.." was all Regina said before running to her bathroom and throwing up._

Emma serve Regina a glass of water , and the brunette drank it slowly.

neither of them talk for a few minutes.

Emma knew what Regina couldn't say to her , she knew it from the moment she saw her in the castle. Regina conformed her suspicions when she told her what the date was.

she let the older woman calm down , her grip on the glass of water show how nervous she was and it broke her heart see her so uncomfortable.

her Regina always confident , always with fire in her eyes , ready to fight , ready to win.

this Regina.. was.. out of life.. was a shell of herself.. she was broken.. and Emma wished she could do something to help her fix herself.

she sat on the couch in front of Regina.. were they talked the first time they met.. were Regina offered her the best apple cider she ever tested.

it was so different this time.. this time Emma was the strong one.. and the one in control.. and Regina was the one who was so out of place.

Emma couldn't take the silence anymore.. so she decided to be the brave one.. she knew that Regina needed to feel safe in order to open up to her and she could do that for her.. she can help her feel safe..

she took a deep breath before speaking in a calm voice " I was 16 when I ran from my last foster house.." Regina now loose a bit her hold on the glass and fixed her eyes on Emma..

"That house was not so good.. I had my experience with bad foster parents before.. some of them use to lock me in the closets for hours.. but this house was different.. the wife.. she was nice.. she worked a lot but when she was around she was ok.. the husband though.. he was weird.. my first night there.. he gave some jewels.. told me not to tell any of the other kids.. so they won't feel jealous.. he gave me a private room while the other share a bedroom.. and he kissed me goodnight every night .. it was my fifth night there.. the wife took the night shift.. he came into my room and I thought he just came to kiss me goodnight.. " Emma took a deep breath , calming her beating heart.. her hands start to shake and she knew that the tears was running down her cheeks.. , she needed to say it.. for herself and for Regina.

"He kiss me on the lips that time.. and I froze.. he came up the bed and I could smell the alcohol in his clothes and breath. he whisper to me to be a good girl.. he told me to be quiet and caress my cheek.. he was so gentle with me that I was so confused about his intentions , but than I heard his zipper open and he right after that his pants went off , I heard stories from kids about that.. and I was already sixteen at the time.. I knew what he wanted.. he told me he can be gentle if I do as he says or he can do it the hard way .

I tried to fight at first , but he just slapped me so hard on the face I thought I was going to faint.. than he pull my pants down and he was on top of me.. when he was inside me I felt like my inside was tearing apart.. I felt all the blood on my thighs.. and I remember thinking how can I have so much blood out of me and still breath.. when he left he kissed my forehead and told me goodnight.. " Emma cheeks were full of tears and she didn't notice that Regina was sitting beside her know until she felt a small hand on her own.

"You are so strong Emma , I'm sorry for what he did to you" Emma looked at Regina eyes , ready to see pity their but instead she saw traces of tears on her cheeks and nothing but admire and understanding in the brown orbs.

"I was force to marry the king when I was seventeen years old.." the brunette started "he was in his fifties and still very in love with his first and dead wife.. , he wanted me to be the mother of Snow and to attend to his needs.. , after my wedding night I was sent to his room.. , some maids they washed me they were all quiet..only talked when they needed me to lift my hand or do something else..than they took me to a big room with that later I learned was the king bedchamber. one of the maids she looked me in they eyes and I could see guilt there.. she told me she was sorry before leaving the room " Regina stopped for a minute and Emma squeeze her hand , trying to give her some strength.

"He enter the room with a three guards , the guards tear the robe out of my body and I was forced to stand their naked in front of all of them , the king wave his hand and they leave the room , he didn't talk to me , he just push me to the matters and lay on top of me , pulled his own robe down , and I felt him pushing inside me , tears came down my face and he didn't stop.. he never stopped when I asked he just push and push even when the blood came and I begged him " Regina was openly sobbing , her body was shaking and her grip on Emma hand grown stronger .

"When he finally came he yelled her name.. , and I never felt so unimportant and so used in my whole life.. I hated him.. and he kept coming.. almost every night , even now when he is dead he is still here..close to me.. and ruin my life"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – Never opened myself this way0**

Between crying and sobbing , Regina breathing slowly calm down and she was peacefully asleep now in Emma arms. again.

Holding Regina came so naturally to Emma now , her head safely secure in Emma's neck , her breathing tickling her sensitive skin there.

Regina story shot a wave of pain in Emma heart. she never felt this way anger and pain was diffrent. knowing that the brunette woman had to suffer so many years , by her grandfather nonetheless awake so many questions Emma needed an answer for. from Snow mostly.

How could Snow not notice Regina pain? she was a teenage at the time.. she must have notice something?

From Snow's stories he was a good father to her and a kind king , how could he turned out to be this monster to his wife? ignoring her pain and begging when she asked him to stop , how could anyone be this monster to take someone more than half his age? rage burned in Emma bones ,she wanted to make him pay , she wanted to make her own rapist pay , she wanted for Snow to pay , for giving her up , for not seeing Regina's pain , for thinking of everyone happy ending except her daughter's , she hated Snow for that , she felt this rage burning inside her moving from her heart to her right hand and suddenly a grey ball of magic appeared there , she tried to make it disappear , willing for it to fade , when it only grows she started to panic. with every heartbeat she made the ball grew.

she slowly got up , moving Regina gently from her and moved to the bathroom.

 _control it Emma , come on! why it's not white?_

 _"you can't control yourself! , no family will want you!"_ her social worker yelled at her after she stole a candy.

and she grew angrier and angrier with every bad memory who flash in front of her eyes , she couldn't stop them from coming.

the ball only grew darker and darker , now almost black.

 _What is going on?_ the ball now blown away and the whole house shook for a few seconds.

It was enough to make Regina startled awake , she jump from the couch noticing Emma was missing.

"Emma" she yelled.

"In here" a quiver voice answered from the bathroom.

"Everything okay?" When no one answered Regina started to worry , "Im going in" she said and opened the door.

she found Emma on the floor , staring at her hand in horror , traces of tears on her cheeks – she was not sure in they were new or from the talk they had only three hours ago-

"Hey" she said sitting in front of her , Emma didn't moved her eyes from her hand .

"Emma " she said and hold her hand in both of hers.

That got Emma attention "I-I used magic"

"Ok" Regina answer , not understanding the problem

"Dark magic" Emma said

"Oh.."

"It was a ball , and I was angry and suddenly the whole house started to shake" Emma words flew out of her.

"Emma , magic comes from your emotions.. if you were angry than it reasonable that your magic was dark.. you need to learn to control your emotions.. it's ok" Regina squeezed her hand , and Emma calm wave moving throgh her.

"It never happened before.. I never got so angry before.. "

"We had an emotional day.. both of us.. , maybe we should go to sleep.."

they were both on the way to Regina master bedroom when Emma phone rang.

"hello" Emma answered without checking the ID

"Emma , where are you? you did not sleep her tonight and it's almost noon , I was worrying!" Snow hysterical voice came from the other side.

"I'm at Regina.. , Henry wanted me to help him with a project and we fell asleep , Regina and I have some magic lesson now.. I will be back by evening" she did not tell her Regina went missing and was found because she knew that the brunette will hate for that , and that snow will ask to many questions she was not ready to answer..

Magic lessons was her number one excuse.. , Snow knew they were necessary after the ice Queen problem.. , and even though Regina was not her favorite teacher she was their best option.

"Ok , please let me know next time , you know how worry I get. I love you Emma , see you at dinner"

"Bye Snow" was all Emma could give. and it hurt her she was not able for more , she knew her mother loved her. but she was so messed up right now she just couldn't see it.

They did not question Emma's entrance to her room , they both needed each other at the moment , when Regina held Emma in her arms Emma felt at home , at peace.

all her anger was vanish at once and all she could feel was Regina beating heart and her warm embrace. her body fit perfectly in the brunette , and she fell asleep quickly , surrounded by Regina unique scent of apples and trees.

she did not hear Regina longing sigh nor her tired words : "Emma , what am I going to do with you?"

Regina kept playing with blonde curls until sleep finally claim her , her hold on Emma never loses , even at her sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – Everything that you thought I would be crushing down right infront of you.**

Emma dreamt about their conversion from earlier that day-

 _"…. than they took me to a big room which later I learned was the king bedchamber. one of the maids she looked me in the eyes and I could see guilt there.. she told me she was sorry before leaving the room " Regina stopped for a minute and Emma squeeze her hand , trying to give her some strength_. _a smoke surrounded both of their hands but the two woman didn't notice too busy with their talk"_ when she woke up she didn't thought much about that dream.

* * *

Henry came into the house later , finding both of his mothers at the kitchen cooking.

Emma was cutting some vegetables while Regina working on some sauce. They worked in silence , only communicating by some hand gestures and their eyes , a wide smile showed on Henry face , looking both of his mothers get along so well was something he never thought he will get to see .

"Hey Moms" he let he presents knows and thorough his school bag on the floor.

"Henry" Regina turned around smiling at her son , she looked much better than she looked this morning , the black circles under her eyes almost gone , and the color on her face was back. even her smile almost reached her eyes.

"What are you cooking?" the hungry boy asked and pushed past his brunet mother , looking to the casserole.

"Pasta" Emma answered "And you should get some shower kid , you stink" she said and squeeze her nose.

"Hey it's not my fault that we must have gym class at school! , Mom tell her!" he looked at his brunet mother for help

"Sweetie you are right it's not your fault , now please go take a bath and come for dinner"

"Fine" Henry pouted and Regina notice how much he looked like Emma at that moment , she smiled at that.

"Ma are you staying for dinner?"

Both pair of brown eyes looked at Emma with questioning and hoping look.

"No" Emma sigh "I must go home , Snow worried and I promise her I will be back by dinner"

Regina face fell and Emma spoke the next words without even notice "Maybe I can come tomorrow for breakfast?".

"YES!" Henry yelled excited "Mom makes the best pancakes in the world!"

"In all worlds" Regina fixed him with a mischief smile.

"We will see , I make some good pancakes myself Miss Mills" Emma gave her challenging look.

"I will see you tomorrow Miss Swan and you can see for yourself my magical hands making the best pancakes in history" she smile wickedly

Emma eyes got darker at the saying magical hands , her pulse came quicker and she could feel a wave going through her body and settling between her legs.

seeing Regina look told Emma she wanted it. she was flirting with her? OH MY GOD Regina was flirting with her!

"We will see" was the best response Emma could come with at the moment.

"I –I will be here at 7:30" she said and flew from the door.

"Emma!" Snow run to hug her daughter as she came into the door.

* * *

"Hey Snow" Emma hugged her back. she felt less angry at her after sleeping.

She felt more in control of herself. being in Regina arms helped her calm down and she woke up new and ready to face her mother again. she still knew those feelings were hiding inside her, she just been successful and shutting them down for now.

she let go from Snow embrace , and smile at her father who hold baby Neal in his arms "Hey" she whispered at him.

The Charmings set beside the small table and ate their meals with silence , Emma couldn't stop thinking at Regina words.. _"Magical hands"_ , she imagine those magical hands working there way on her hips..settling between her thighs where she needed them the most.. her mother brought her back for reality "Emma" she said sweetly.. too sweetly Emma thought.

She could not hide her blushing from her fantasy though , she couldn't belive she fantasies about Regina in front of her parents!

"Yes" she said shyly

"So.. what was Henry project about?" She asked trying to start a conversion.

"He needed to write an essay about a role model in his life" it was not completely a lie.. he did need to write this essay.. he just wrote last week already.. and the kid had a big talent with writing so.. they finish it really quick.

"And he chose you for that Emma" Snow said with a large smile and cheerful eyes.

"Not really.. he actually chose Regina for his role model.. he only needed because Regina didn't want to talk so much about her good deeds" Emma shrug.

"He chose Regina?" Snow almost choke on her lasagna.. Emma couldn't stop thinking how Regina's lasagna was so much better.

"She is his mother.." Emma answered , daring Snow to disagree

"Yes but.. she is the Evil Queen and you his mother too Emma" she tried to say with compassion .

"She is NOT the Evil Queen anymore" the blonde said with anger , she could feel it building inside her again , she could hear the blood in her ears , bumping , and a ball of magic was appearing in her hands again , this time completely black.

"Emma what is going on?" David suddenly spoke for the first time , he looked at her hand with terror.

"I don't know " she said feeling small suddenly

"This is dark magic" Snow said terrified

"Well maybe im not the Savior anymore MOM" Emma said shouting the last word

"David take Neal and go to the room" Snow commended as the Queen she is.

"No , i-" he started to say but Snow interrupted

"Now!" she yelled

David and the baby left the kitchen and the two woman stand in the kitchen

the ball in Emma hand growing bigger and darker with every heartbeat.

"Emma , what is going on?" The older woman asked

"I don't know Snow , what is going on? , why do you always play the hero and good part? even when you abandon your daughter , even when you lying ? and you accept me to do the same? to be the good daughter ? well sorry MOM but I'm not saint!" she said and the ball explode the house shook ,and Snow was pushed to the wall her head bumping and blood was showing on her hair.

David hurry down when he felt the house shaking he found his wife trying to stand and he immedtly ran over to her.

Emma fade with a white smoke , showing at Regina living room.

"Emma?" the brunet whispered

"What happened?" she asked

But Emma just cried falling to the floor , Regina went beside her holding her close and whispering soothing words.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – my only goal is just to be**

 _But Emma just cried falling to the floor , Regina went beside her holding her close and whispering soothing words._

* * *

The blonde woman set on Regina's lap as the older woman hold her tightly and stroke her hands through golden hair , her lips still whispering calming words to Emma's ear.

She did not know what happened but she did know Emma had a hard time dealing with Snow lately. she was sure she could not help Emma with Snow.. even though she and the younger brunet were more tolerable toward each other lately they still were not by all means friendly.

Emma were now much more calmer , her sobs were fading and her breathing came more slowly , she turned in Regina arms and locked her eyes with the brunet , founding nothing there but understanding, warm and was it longing?

"I lost control .. again" she whispered tears falling from her eyes and her bottom lip quivering "I was so angry with her , it took control and… I used magic on her Regina" she was now openly crying again , shaking in her arms.

"Shhh.. please tell me from the beginning what were you fighting about?"

"She was shocked that Henry chose you as a role model for his project.." Emma started. Regina felt a punch in her heart at Emma's words.. she too was surprised Henry chose her and not his other mom.. the sheriff and the savior. but she couldn't help the hurt that came when other people still doubted her.. even after all she done.. they still saw her as the Evil Queen.. that was why she was not surprised..there are times she looks in the mirror and think she is her as well..

"I know what you are thinking , please stop , you are not her! , and that was what I tried to say to Snow.. , you are Henry's mother. of course he will choose you"

Emma stated with confident and fire in her eyes.

"And what she said?"

"She said I am his mother too and that you are the Evil Queen" Emma said and her body went static in Regina arms , her breath barley coming as she tried to control her emotions.

"Breath Emma , I heard it's healthy" She tried to lighten the mood

"I wanted to hurt her.. it's like the magic took control over me , I was mad at her for so many things at the same time Regina! " Emma hugged Regina to her , taking in her scent and balancing her emotions with it , it was so easy doing it here , in her arms.

Regina completely melted into the embrace , pushing her body into Emma and resting her hands on her back.

"It's Ok , we will figure it out. right now though , you need to relax." she said with soothing voice

"canwepleasewatchrent?" Emma said quietly.

"What? you must say it clear dear."she kissed her forehead.

"Can we please watch Rent?" She said again pushing her head to Regina neck , feeling embarrass for the need to ask for some company and comfort movie.

"Sure.." Regina said "I never watched it before"

it didn't take longer than an hour for Regina to yell at Emma with tears

"Why would we watch it , we suppose to do something to calm down and we watch a movie with people who suffer from AIDS."

"You miss the whole point Regina" Emma smiled

"Those people , they decided to live and fall in love , knowing they can die any day. they chose hope and happiness , it always make me feel better"

When Angel died Regina was crying like a baby , murmuring some curses about stupid blondes and they choices of movies.

when the film ended with Season Of Love Emma sang every single word , and Regina stared at her with admiring smile.

"So? What do you think?" Emma asked

"I think you are crazy.. this movie is.. so sad.. I actually want to kill you for making me seeing it.. , the songs good though"

"TAKE ME BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OR LEAVE ME" Emma sang loudly

"Guess im leaving"Regina said , Emma stared at her with wide eyes "to bring some wine dear" Regina gave her a smirk and Emma let out a breath she didn't knew she was holding.

When she came back she found Emma deep in thoughts staring blankly at the space.

"Care to share " Regina said and handed her a glass of wine.

"Nothing.. it just..you know.. I didn't know how much I was angry at Snow for leaving me until today.. I thought I got over it but.. I guess not." Emma took a deep sip from her wine

"Well.. I'm sorry , if I hadn't-"

"No! they made their choice.. they could have keep me and we could be curse but still together.. , they don't get off that easily.. I don't know why Regina.. but people here.. they found it so easy to blame you for their mistakes.." Emma was sitting really close to her , the breath mingling together , she could smell the wine from her breath and feel the wramth of her body.

"Well.. I am the Evil Queen dear" she said

"No! , you are messed up and fucked up person Regina mills , just like me" she said and locked her lips with hers.

* * *

 **AN - as always please let me know what you think (:**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 - your not allowed , you uninvited .**

 _"Like any uncharted territory_

 _I must seem greatly intriguing_

 _You speak of my love like_

 _You have experienced love like mine before_

 _But this is not allowed_

 _You're uninvited_

 _An unfortunate slight " -_

 _Uninvited ,Alanis Morissete._

 ** _I recommended listening to Uninvited by Alanis before reading this chapter._**

She felt Emma lips on her , her soft pink talented lips and how she hoped it will feel wrong , but instead all she felt was a warm dot in her belly that spread through her entire body and made her feel dizzy. Her hands moved on their own to Emma's hair and she could smell Emma sweet intoxic scent sending one more heat wave to her entire body , she knew this need to end , she couldn't let Emma into this , into her , her history with love is not great , she meant it when she said to Henry she doesn't know how to love very well .

NO NO THIS IS WRONG

She put her hand on Emma chest and slowly broke their kiss , she tried to catch her breathe and watch as Emma chest rise and fall against her hand , she liked it , liked to see and feel how alive Emma was , she did not know how much she loved the proof of it against her hand until she felt it , so vivid in her hand.

Emma did not say anything , she felt it , in their kiss , she felt Regina conflict, she didn't know why she did it , she was just over intoxic by the wine and they just watch Rent and she could still hear "No Day But Today " in her ears .

She knew Regina has mixed feeling about the kiss , but she knew Regina wanted it , she felt it in the low moan the brunette made when she slightly brush her tounge against hers , she felt it when Regina pulled her closer and brush her hands through her hair.

Regina wanted it , and she was afraid , hell Emma was afraid too.

"Emma" the brunette finally spoke her look so soft and insecure " I.. I don't know how.. and you.. YOU DONT WANT ME" she said the last word in a hard tone trying to convince Emma and herself through them.

"You don't get decided what I want " Emma said , trying to sound confident but it came out soft and tender instead , " I do want you , I do" she whispered and a tear manage to slide down her chick.

Regina stood up and stand with her back to her , she took a deep breath and said " I can see the attraction Emma , we had a very complicated realitionship at first , some can say even hateful , and we both could feel the sparkle , I can not say I hadn't desire you , I desire you than and I do desire you now , but we can't "

Regina words felt like a knife in Emma's heart , yes she did attracted to Regina , and at the beginning maybe it was only that , but now , now she wanted more , she wanted to held Regina in her arms at night , and not only when she was broken . She wanted to do grocery shop with her and beg her to buy chips and brownies.

" I want more" she finally said , "I want more with you"

Regina wiped her tears from her chicks only to feel a fresh ones sliding down , she turned around to face Emma , the blond deserve it , she deserve honesty and she deserve the truth.

" you don't Emma , you don't , trust me , you deserve better , I'm too broken for you , i will ruin you AND I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN ״

She than lower herself down to her knees and took a long look at Emma eyes she saw the pain there , the longing , the love? , she gave one last soft kiss to Emma lips and left the room.

 **AN:**

 **This chapter would have never happened if you guys wouldn't keep following this story .**


End file.
